Im happy but there is a heavy feeling of sadness in my heart that I just can't remove. Why am I like this?

This interpretation lead me on a path of self improvement, to fix what I considered to be “wrong” with myself.

It’s impossible to overstate the freedom and peace I discovered, and I realized the only one who had been keeping those from me was… me and my imagined standards and expectations for how I had imagined I should be.

When I stopped trying to force myself to be something I am not, I gave myself the freedom of being who I am.

Astronomers thought the Milky Way was doomed to crash into Andromeda. Now they’re not so sure - The Conversation

Now, this may sound like a story of failure and giving up, but it’s actually a story of liberation.

But unlike before, there is no more resistance to the sadness.

It’s difficult to put into words exactly what caused what, but to the best of my ability to describe it, I felt as if my will to keep fighting was beaten right out of me.

Super-magnetic dead star throws a violent temper tantrum as NASA X-ray spacecraft looks on - Space

For much of my adult life, I interpreted this sadness as something being wrong - with either myself or my life in general.

So I finally threw my hands up and said something to the tune of “fuck it, since I can't seem to change, I’ll just be whatever I am then.”

But no matter what I read or practiced, I could never make the sadness budge for longer than a few fleeting moments - and even then, it was likely due to me being distracted from the sensation of sadness rather than anything actually shifting.

A Massive Particle Blasted Through Earth and Scientists Think It Might Be The First Detection of Dark Matter - ZME Science

I was tired of fighting.

Be who you already are.

I was tired of trying and failing.

Auto-Parts Bankruptcy Is the First Big Casualty of Tariff War - WSJ

Most people that know me would probably describe me as a social, happy, and somewhat quirky person with a twisted sense of humor.

So if you are sad - like me - then be sad.

What most people don’t know unless they’ve looked more closely is that there is also an element of deep, profound sadness that has always been with me since as long as I can remember.

Dolorum fugit ut molestiae voluptatem minima non.

It’s here now, writing to you.

It’s still here.

You are the masterpiece you came here to discover.

Mom Spotted a Growing Bump Near 3-Year-Old Daughter’s Eye. Then Came the Phone Call that Changed Their Lives (Exclusive) - AOL.com

In the absence of a should, I was free to be as I am.

Without resistance, sadness has a sense of beauty and depth I cannot find otherwise in life.

Needless to say, my failed attempts to fix my sadness simply brought me more pain and suffering.

Why did Meghan become a Hollywood actress before marrying into royalty? Was this against protocol and tradition for future royals who marry into the UK monarchy?

The sadness was still there.

What I am trying to say is that when you stop trying to change yourself into something you are not, you give yourself the gift of discovering yourself as you already are.

You are like me, then.

Older Americans are happiest living in these 5 US states, study says — is yours one of them? - Yahoo

I had run out of hope.

It’s the most beautiful and liberating thing in the world.

And the sadness?

Humans Age Faster at 2 Specific Times in Their Life, Study Finds - ScienceAlert

It wasn’t until about 10 years ago that I finally fell out of that ferris wheel of trying and failing to fix myself.

Your job is not to be the manager of your life, but the one who discovers yourself fully.